Every day, I get calls from athletes who feel that they are lacking in self-confidence. I am currently working with a skier, a swimmer, a bowler, a tennis player, a pitcher, a second baseman, a golf pro and two soccer players. All of these people are trying to believe in themselves a bit more and trying to elevate their self-confidence.Yesterday,I got a call from a baseball player who is playing triple a ball for a major league team. He is worried because he has been in a hitting slump. In addition, he is fearful that his lack of confidence will prevent him from making it into the major leagues. Obviously, he is under some significant pressure and to make matters worse, he is doubting himself.
So, let's look at these habits in more detail:Keep Your Word - To Yourself And Others.This sounds very simple - but often it isn't.For example, how often do you tell yourself you're going to do something and then you don't, like exercise perhaps? How often do you NOT keep your promise to others? Whenever this happens, not only is there an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction within yourself but also you are providing your subconscious mind with evidence that you don't do what you say you will... that you are someone whom can not be trusted.
This is incredibly destructive to your self-confidence, because you don't get to trust and know who you say you are and do. You say one thing, but don't deliver, and this costs you your trust in yourself and your self-confidence.High self-confident people understand the importance of keeping their word. They understand that coming from this space of integrity, where their word is law, IS the key to accessing their own power and self-confidence, and in my opinion, is also the most important habit that leads to success in life.The trick is to start making smaller promises that you know you won't let yourself or others down. Be honest with yourself. Don't say yes to something when you know you can't fit it in.
Tactic Five: Give and receive compliments. Do you feel special when someone gives you a beautiful compliment about yourself? Do you think you make others feel good about themselves when you give them wonderful compliments about themselves? Hopefully your answer to both questions would be yes. People want and need to feel special. Practice giving compliments on a daily basis and soon the favor will be returned upon yourself.We must not allow bad circumstances whether they be past or present to effect our daily lives. Improve your self-esteem to make a better you. We all tarry along in this life with many challenges and gaining a conscious grasp on who you are and learning to love yourself will assist you in building self-esteem. Better self-esteem equals better results in your life.
We come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem. An infant has self-confidence/self-esteem that their cries will get them what they need--food, diaper change, cuddling, communication, soothing, etc. If the child's needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. If their basic needs for survival and emotional sustenance are only met sporadically or poorly their sense of self-confidence/self-esteem begins to deteriorate. If the child continues to experience deprivation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birth-right to self-confidence/self-esteem has been compromised.
Focus On Your Strengths.Lack of self-confidence is a result of losing sight of our great qualities, and exaggerating our flaws instead.High self-confident people know their strength and focus on what they can do, rather than what they can't.When you think you are not good at something, try to consciously focus on the qualities that you have that are important to carry out that task.For example, if you are doing public speaking and are not confident at delivering a speech, but you are a great researcher, writer and organiser... focus on these attributes instead, and know that you can be confident and proud of the content of that speech. Focusing on the great content will make the delivery of the speech less significant.
Disengage the nagging, negative internal critical voice. That negative internal critical voice can keep anyone stuck. To disengage the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or simply change the internal voice to the Disney Channel. Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck seriously if they were criticizing you? The point is to disengage the critical voice by altering the way it nags at you. If you hear your own voice or a critical parent voice nagging you, it will paralyze you. If you hear a funny voice, you laugh and maybe hear the irony of your negative internal critic and continue onward.
When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.
Don't overthink how much she wants you to have a six-pack though. She may well be impressed with it, but you don't want her to think you're more vain than she is.Learn how to dress well. I'm no haberdasher, but it's simple to dress well. Suits are easy to wear and ensure you are clean, and you have decent shoes. For some reason women love shoes.Now those are simple things most of us can do better. Increasing our abilities to be more pleasing to the eye and interesting to the ear will ensure that we feel more ready to talk to women we don't know.Lastly, I will say that it's very important to understand why we lack confidence.
Act "As-if." Act as-if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, "How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself-self-talk?" By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting "As-if" you are confident. As you continue to act "As-If" you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within 30 to 45 days you'll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.
Another powerful thing to do is find an unsuspecting or unlikely target to unleash your gratitude upon. Gratitude often works best where you would least expect it to. Perhaps you can show appreciation or be grateful to a friend or family member, or you have seen a beautiful tree or flower that brightens your day, perhaps appreciate your favourite song, or a really good hug... you will be surprised how many things you will find that you can appreciate and be grateful for everyday.Focus On Contributing To Others.People with low self-confidence tend to focus too much time on their own problems and flaws, they undervalue what they are capable of, and spend too much time being critical of themselves.They get caught up in this kind of thinking and as a result feel low in self-confidence.High self-confident people focus on the needs of other people, they take the attention away from themselves and focus on how they can be of service and contribute to others.
So, let's look at these habits in more detail:Keep Your Word - To Yourself And Others.This sounds very simple - but often it isn't.For example, how often do you tell yourself you're going to do something and then you don't, like exercise perhaps? How often do you NOT keep your promise to others? Whenever this happens, not only is there an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction within yourself but also you are providing your subconscious mind with evidence that you don't do what you say you will... that you are someone whom can not be trusted.
This is incredibly destructive to your self-confidence, because you don't get to trust and know who you say you are and do. You say one thing, but don't deliver, and this costs you your trust in yourself and your self-confidence.High self-confident people understand the importance of keeping their word. They understand that coming from this space of integrity, where their word is law, IS the key to accessing their own power and self-confidence, and in my opinion, is also the most important habit that leads to success in life.The trick is to start making smaller promises that you know you won't let yourself or others down. Be honest with yourself. Don't say yes to something when you know you can't fit it in.
Tactic Five: Give and receive compliments. Do you feel special when someone gives you a beautiful compliment about yourself? Do you think you make others feel good about themselves when you give them wonderful compliments about themselves? Hopefully your answer to both questions would be yes. People want and need to feel special. Practice giving compliments on a daily basis and soon the favor will be returned upon yourself.We must not allow bad circumstances whether they be past or present to effect our daily lives. Improve your self-esteem to make a better you. We all tarry along in this life with many challenges and gaining a conscious grasp on who you are and learning to love yourself will assist you in building self-esteem. Better self-esteem equals better results in your life.
We come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem. An infant has self-confidence/self-esteem that their cries will get them what they need--food, diaper change, cuddling, communication, soothing, etc. If the child's needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. If their basic needs for survival and emotional sustenance are only met sporadically or poorly their sense of self-confidence/self-esteem begins to deteriorate. If the child continues to experience deprivation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birth-right to self-confidence/self-esteem has been compromised.
Focus On Your Strengths.Lack of self-confidence is a result of losing sight of our great qualities, and exaggerating our flaws instead.High self-confident people know their strength and focus on what they can do, rather than what they can't.When you think you are not good at something, try to consciously focus on the qualities that you have that are important to carry out that task.For example, if you are doing public speaking and are not confident at delivering a speech, but you are a great researcher, writer and organiser... focus on these attributes instead, and know that you can be confident and proud of the content of that speech. Focusing on the great content will make the delivery of the speech less significant.
Disengage the nagging, negative internal critical voice. That negative internal critical voice can keep anyone stuck. To disengage the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or simply change the internal voice to the Disney Channel. Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck seriously if they were criticizing you? The point is to disengage the critical voice by altering the way it nags at you. If you hear your own voice or a critical parent voice nagging you, it will paralyze you. If you hear a funny voice, you laugh and maybe hear the irony of your negative internal critic and continue onward.
When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.
Don't overthink how much she wants you to have a six-pack though. She may well be impressed with it, but you don't want her to think you're more vain than she is.Learn how to dress well. I'm no haberdasher, but it's simple to dress well. Suits are easy to wear and ensure you are clean, and you have decent shoes. For some reason women love shoes.Now those are simple things most of us can do better. Increasing our abilities to be more pleasing to the eye and interesting to the ear will ensure that we feel more ready to talk to women we don't know.Lastly, I will say that it's very important to understand why we lack confidence.
Act "As-if." Act as-if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, "How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself-self-talk?" By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting "As-if" you are confident. As you continue to act "As-If" you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within 30 to 45 days you'll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.
Another powerful thing to do is find an unsuspecting or unlikely target to unleash your gratitude upon. Gratitude often works best where you would least expect it to. Perhaps you can show appreciation or be grateful to a friend or family member, or you have seen a beautiful tree or flower that brightens your day, perhaps appreciate your favourite song, or a really good hug... you will be surprised how many things you will find that you can appreciate and be grateful for everyday.Focus On Contributing To Others.People with low self-confidence tend to focus too much time on their own problems and flaws, they undervalue what they are capable of, and spend too much time being critical of themselves.They get caught up in this kind of thinking and as a result feel low in self-confidence.High self-confident people focus on the needs of other people, they take the attention away from themselves and focus on how they can be of service and contribute to others.
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